Were you ever told that you were a brat as a child, or maybe that you were selfish? Not me of course, but my sister.. Okay I’m just kidding, we’ve all experienced that person that is just focused on themselves, and too many times it is ourselves. I remember the day it was told to me, I was still an intern at my home church I grew up at and one of the pastors had said this phrase to me that has forever stuck in my mind, “You are not the most important person in this room Trevor.”
If only selflessness was something that you could just wake up with. One Saturday morning after a hard week at work, when previously all you were thinking about is how you are going to treat yourself that weekend, but no, Saturday comes and you are filled with selflessness and the desire and drive to serve and love others. I wish it was that simple, but the reality of becoming more selfless is like going to the gym, you will only see results if you put the work and practice in.
I used to think that I was a pretty selfless person, so humble too I know. I had spent so many hours investing into students and doing the “right thing” and really it wasn’t until I started to have children of my own that I started to see what I once was. Because having children of your own will truly humble you, this little being that is so precious and perfect, nothing could possibly be wrong with them. Until it is 1am and they are up crying, then 3am, 5am. Parents and those who have cared for young children you get it.
But here I was, twenty-two years old thinking I was the most selfless person.
I had watched another pastoral change begin to happen at my home church, events and plans were already made and they had to continue, but there wasn’t a youth pastor any longer. A great family friend of mine came up and asked me to take on leadership for the Mexico mission trip that was already planned and paid for. It was just three months before this mission trip was going to happen and they thought that I would be a great face to lead the group. Now they would do all the heavy lifting, translating, and planning for the event, but I was to be the “leader” of the group, the one who parents and students would look to for comfort and direction during the weekend.
You bet I jumped on that opportunity, I went and ordered my passport card right away in hopes it would come before the trip and began talking about how incredible this trip would be and how God would move in the lives of our students. I am not sure what our final number was, but over twenty-five students and adults attended that trip.
We loaded up the fifteen passenger vans with our gear and left bright and early that Thursday morning to head to Puerto Peñasco, Mexico, or as many of the gringos call it “Rocky Point”. I informed the parents that as long as we had wifi I would be uploading photos and updates from the trip and to follow me, the leader, to know what is going on. Only two members, the people who asked me to lead, had phones that would be able to make calls from Mexico to home.
The drive there was a blast, I wasn’t even old enough to drive the vans since the insurance wouldn’t cover someone under twenty-five years old. So I sat in the back and talked with all of the students. We had some great conversations about our favorite Twenty One Pilots songs, how school was going for them, what they were excited for in the next youth pastor search. I was eating it all up, being the “Youth Pastor” the one they would trust and look to for guidance.
Now don’t get me wrong, I truly believe I went into that trip with the right heart. My mind was set on caring for this community and helping build up a new church, making sure the students were safe, and had a fun, young, hip adult to talk to about what was going on in their lives. But, in the back of my mind I was starting to see how important my role was, at least in that time.
So we arrived in Mexico, and made contact with the pastor of the church we were going to continue building. This was an amazing project that the entire Arizona Nazarene District took on, for months church groups would show up and help construct this amazing building in the middle of a poor broken community. From an empty dirt lot to a completed building for those in the community to turn to for support and love, we were able to be a part of this.
The pastor was so excited for us to be there, the week prior the group had put the walls up and it would be our task to get the trusses up and ready for the next group to finish the roof. I was so impressed by what God was doing and the impact that each of us were able to have on this community. I ended up going back four more times and got to celebrate the finished product with the members of the church and the community just a few years later.
We wrapped up for the night and headed to our lodging for the night. In just a short fifteen minute drive later we had arrived at a massive resort, I was in awe of the location. Our group had been gifted two large timeshares from generous members in our home church. As we checked in we all noticed the large pools in the back and the ocean waves as they crashed upon the beach. The students were excited to play tonight, that was even drawn up in the plan from the start.
I enjoyed the evening in the pool with all of those who came to serve, but in the water I was convicted in my heart. How in the world could we justify staying here while serving this poor community. Earlier in the night I had noticed one of the members of the church who was so excited for us to be there, walked back to their house. The house was made of scrap wood, cardboard boxes and sheet metal. My stomach began to turn as we finished playing in the massive pool as the sun set.
Back up at the room all of the boys ran and picked out their own beds, the twelve or so of us each had our own bed to sleep in and there were still extras to pick between. I couldn’t fathom staying in a bed that night, but I played it off as wanting to be adventurous. I noticed the massive balcony on the 15th floor that we were staying on hand sunbeds for people to lay out on during the day. I took some blankets off of one of the beds and made my place out there for the night.
For the first two nights I slept outside on the balcony listening to the waves crash in the near perfect weather of October in Mexico. The boys thought that I was so cool that two of them decided to join me the last night. I reluctantly decided to stay in an actual bed the last night after the hard work of putting the roof on and shoveling a few tons of rock. I remember coming home from that trip feeling so selfless, “look how holy and good I am.” Goodness, thinking back to twenty-two year old Trevor makes me cringe a little bit today. But hey, it’s helped shape me into the man I am today.
As I grew up and continued my ministry I remember telling that story, and how it impacted me. Don’t get me wrong, I was totally changed from that experience. My eyes were opened to other cultures and some of the daily suffering so many people go through, I had a better understanding of what people were saying when they talked about the border crisis, or people fleeing their home countries to come make something better.
But as I grew up I started to also realize how selfish I was, though initially the act of staying on the balcony for that trip was pure intentioned, I selfishly told the story to bring glory to myself and what I had done. Funny enough, that was the last time we stayed in the resort, every future trip utilized the small mission with housing for churches to stay in that was more in town with people from the community who we served with and loved.
It really hit me, I am not the most important person in the room. I needed to humble myself before my community and Christ to truly be transformed. This isn’t a bash on mission trips, or service projects. I believe there can be real good that comes from them, but much of my understanding started to come years after this trip. I need to humble myself and be willing to sit in other people's experience and expertise.
I need to open my heart and mind in realizing that other people have so much good to offer this world, yet so often I am the first one to speak or offer my opinion. Ask yourself, how many times do you stop and listen first rather than speaking?
For young Trevor, it was seldom. Really only if I didn’t have an answer pre-planned in my mind, I was already ready to interject my opinion into whatever the conversation was. I don’t want you to think that thirty year old Trevor is perfect at this, but so much of my understanding and how I now act has changed because of these revelations. I share them with you because I care and don’t want you to have to waste so much time trying to figure it out on your own.
To humble ourselves before our community and Christ will help bring further understanding in our lives. It will help establish better patterns of listening to others, both in meaningful conversations, and even the ones we use just to pass the time. When we realize that we are not the most important person in the room, we start to treat others as if they are, providing them an opportunity to be heard and to truly feel the love of Christ through you.
I am serious about this, and I know that it will look different from moment to moment and person to person. Obviously you will have to speak and interject as well, but if we as a people can take a step back from where we are in life and look at what is around us and really start to listen to the world it is my belief we will have an opportunity to do real good. When we truly stop and see people for who they are and see what they are going through, we have the chance to be a small glimpse of Christ in their life.
Community is a vital part of this life, it is a living breathing organism that gives and takes. That listens and speaks, that loves and receives love. Each of us have moments throughout each day to help provide community for those who need it, or to lean into the community that we might need. Community isn’t going to solve all of the problems that you face in your life, but it will make taking them on easier because you’re not doing it alone. When you realize you are not the most important person in the room you create space for Christ to fill you and change you radically from the inside out, which in the end will help your community.
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