10: Now Go Do It

 I wish that there was some simple five step plan to building and finding your community, and even though I sat here for many hours and tried to think of them I could not. I hope that this short book has helped you figure out some steps to building your community, but most importantly I hope that you go and try, I hope that you find a community of people who you can rely on! 

Get plugged in. It is impossible to step into a community if you isolate yourself from it, and I mean total isolation. I do believe that we can find community online, so many of us had to rely on the online community during 2020 and beyond. It is my prayer for you, that you will also find personal human flesh connections as well. 

I remember 2020 like it was yesterday, I am writing this four years after the shutdown of the NHL season, yeah that was a big deal for me then. I remember coming home from a leadership conference in Ohio and watching things be shutdown left and right, people losing their jobs, The Tiger King being the only thing people talked about. 

It was during that time my online group formed “the dungeon crawl.” A discord server with five of my online friends from around the United States. We would chat throughout the day as we worked from home and learned that new style of life, then most nights would jump on an audio call and play through a few ladder games of StarCraft II. 

I eventually convinced them to play Dungeons and Dragons, I helped them create some unique characters and had them each write a small backstory and we jumped into this made up world of Adawood. Fighting monsters and ghouls, leading up to the big bad guy who wanted to destroy everything and keep the power to himself.

This went on for months, it was the longest DnD session I had ever run and it was something each person looked forward too while no one could leave the confines of their home. As the year went by and life started to open back up again, our schedules became more filled with what once was, and our games went from nearly every week to once a month, until finally we tried to play our last session knowing peoples lives and jobs were changing. 

I absolutely know that the online community we had was real, there were incredibly deep conversations that would take place at one or two in the morning, but even that seemed to lack something important. 

I again encourage you and will be praying for you to step into a physical community. A group of people who can be with you and see when you are high and low. Where they can hold you when you are broken and celebrate when you succeed. A physical group of people who you can break bread with and simply be amongst. 

I don’t have the answers as to how, but I know that the first step of this journey of community is in your hands. Either by finding a community to join, or starting one for others to be a part of. In the past 10 years I have seen how different people fit into different places, and sometimes it can be hard to find the place you fit, so creating that space might just be what God is calling you to do.

I think about our own church planting journey. I was ignorant and honestly selfish in what I originally wanted in my mind when setting out to plant The Table. I wanted the perfect looking families, with a mortgage and two cars, two to three kids and maybe a dog. God had other plans, and I am so grateful He did.

My people are anything but perfect, they are goofy, talk to much, have too many issues, can’t seem to get ahead, but they are beloved by God. If you were to show up to The Table, it might not look like the perfect church with all the bells and whistles, in fact, its not. We meet in my home, where the baseboards are nicked, the paint is chipped, and I’m sure you can smell my dirty dogs. 

Though, these people would love you so well. You would not be able to sneak in and hear a good word, you would be greeted by a five year old who has trouble saying words with “S” in them, an older father who loves to listen to where you have been, a screaming baby who gives you the biggest grin. You would see moms who are exhausted from caring for their littles, dads who are working two jobs to get by, and elders who want to belong.

These people would share your burdens, they would make sure you had plenty to eat and left overs to take home. They would pool their money together to make sure you could pay your bills, babysit your children when you get heldover after work, cook you a meal when your refrigerator dies.

Everything I’ve said has happened, this small anything but perfect community, is following the will of God perfectly. Loving their neighbor as Christ loves them. That is waiting for you, it will take you bravely stepping into community and being willing to allow God to begin doing amazing things in your life.

Are you ready?

Your Life. Is to be done in community.

9: Setting The Table

When I was growing up my mom would ask one of the siblings to set the table, it wasn’t a hard job, but it took a moment out of whatever you were doing to prepare for what was about to come. Whether it was the ever simple chicken and rice, spaghetti night, or family favorite Mama’s Pizza. Setting the table was a daily routine that was required before our family enjoyed the company of one another around a meal. 

Now as an impatient, selfish teenage boy, this was one of my least favorite things to do. I was always caught up in what I was doing in the late afternoon, and by that I mean playing Halo 3 with the boys! I wanted to play one more game, get that one last victory with the guys before we shut down the games and had dinner before our night time routine. A few times a week that dreaded call came.

“Trevor, come set the table, dinner is almost ready!” 

Many times I thought to myself 

“Oh come-on, can’t Annie or Tyler do it? I’m in the middle of something important. You know we can’t pause online games…”

I’m not sure if my wonderful mother ever understood that I couldn’t pause while online, but in her mind, after working her long workday and coming home to make her children a nice dinner, it was the least she could expect for the kids to set out the four or five plates with napkins and silverware. It wasn’t hard, in fact, it might have been the simplest of chores that we had to do in the house. My selfish adolescent brain just didn’t understand the importance of this simple task.

Setting the table, it is a simple yet effective way to bring forth hospitality to the ones who would sit at the table. It shows the guest that they are invited and have a place that was purposefully planned for them. When the table is not set, or worse, when the table is hastley set after you’ve already sat down. it lacks the thought and purpose behind you being there, and psychologically, you feel left out or forgotten. 

This simple chore can be translated into community, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Now more than 15 years after this simple chore was in my life I find myself setting the table in a multitude of ways. Both physically at my own home as I cook and prepare meals for my family, emotionally as I am intentional in asking others for their input in situations, and spiritually as I help lead a congregation weekly into fellowship and the sharing of the Eucharist weekly. Setting the table is an act that mature leaders must take on, not only to be in community, but to inspire it into action. 

I’ve already started explaining the first act of setting the table, the physical element. So many of us already partake in this simple task. Before dinner, getting the plates, napkins, silverware, and cups out for those to join and enjoy the meal that they would partake in. There are multiple ways to do this as well. From laying out an entire spread on the table with each person's name written on a card knowing their place at the table, to simply setting out a stack of each item on the kitchen island for those who might join to grab, buffet style as my mom would call it.

How do we emotionally set the table? I will be honest with you, I am still growing in this area. There have been many moments in my relationships with others that I have not been open to others opinions or input, I’ve thought that I already have had it figured out and didn’t need any additional help. I’ve also gone the extreme in the other direction of letting everyone express everything and never actually making any decisions on a matter only to end up creating more problems in the end of it all. 

I believe that this table setting in the community is brought forth by the humility of a leader, but not letting go of the leadership in its entirety. It is important as a leader to be willing to step down from whatever position you might hold to hear the words and thoughts of those around you. They more often than not, will show you a place you might overlook, or express a different opinion that you haven’t considered. To humble oneself before the community shows a great deal of maturity and growth, that not only should inspire your team or employees, but also to help improve morale amongst the community. 

Like I had mentioned above, the leader must then take back control to help the community move forth. There won’t always be a unanimous consensus among the community when these discussions take place, and so when that happens it is the job of the leader to help move forward by taking the input that was brought forth and deciding what path to take next. It is much easier said than done, because many times the decision that is made will not be met with applause. Understand that when the table was set for the community to come together and bring in what they see as the right choice, hopefully maturity will win and the decision will be met with support even if it wasn’t exactly as every person in the room saw fit. 

Finally, spirituality setting the table. I’ve spent practically my entire life in the church in some capacity. My family has deep roots in the church and in its leadership, and so from a young age I was looked upon to set the table spiritually for my siblings, my small groups, and my friends. Yet, in some areas of my life I was only to look to the leadership for this to occur. 

I will say, there are many times when mature leadership must step forth and lead the community through whatever it might be going through. Rough storms that seem to be tossing the boat, hard winters that are freezing out the innocent, hot summers that drain the weary. You get what I am saying right? There are moments throughout culture and our lives in which we must turn to our leadership to guide us through the cultural, or social changes while being faithful to God. 

These moments do happen, and we cannot look past them or ignore them. Leaders have not always made the right calls in these moments and it would be ignorant for us to not reflect on what has happened in our churches. But what about the ordinary? What about the times where it seems as if we as the church are going through the motions? 

It is the responsibility of the pastor to guide the church through ordinary time. What is ordinary  time? “Christmas Time and Easter Time highlight the central mysteries of the Paschal Mystery, namely, the incarnation, death on the cross, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ, and the descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. The Sundays and weeks of Ordinary Time, on the other hand, take us through the life of Christ. This is the time of conversion. This is living the life of Christ.

Ordinary Time is a time for growth and maturation, a time in which the mystery of Christ is called to penetrate ever more deeply into history until all things are finally caught up in Christ. The goal, toward which all of history is directed, is represented by the final Sunday in Ordinary Time, the Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe.” (Ordinary Time.)

For so much of our lives we are caught in the ordinary, social media has distorted this and encouraged us to become more than we are capable of. Think about your own feed, you don’t post the mundane daily things you do right? Typically is the best of the best. The best photos, the best food, the best trips, the best people. You don’t post the stale lunch you had on the 1,262 day of work for all to enjoy, because no one would enjoy that. 

As so we are caught up in seeing the best of people's lives and can fall into the trap that others are doing more, are being better, are experiencing it all. Yet, the majority of us are not, we are simply sitting at our kitchen table, office space, or front seat of the car double tapping the screen to send a digital heart without a moment spent on the caption. 

So the pastor, leader, and teacher must step forth and set the table during the ordinary. Create space to hear the voice of Christ in the midst of our chaos. This can be difficult for those who have never had to do it and even for those who have done it dozens of times. In my limited experience in this life I have found a few things to be true. Faithfulness, patience, humbleness, generosity. Really, all of the fruits of the spirit, but in these four major areas I have seen ordinary time lead well. 

We must as leaders be faithful and patient in the midst of the ordinary. Don’t expect the “camp high” every Sunday, it would be near impossible to maintain that level of intensity daily. Instead remain faithful to the call that God has placed in your heart and patience as he moves in the midst of the community. 

Humble yourself before God and your community. Yes, we must lead and make decisions on what we are going to preach about, how our church will operate and function, and what events we will and won't do during the year. But allow yourself to also experience the ordinary, to sit in the silence of The Lord and listen for his voice. Show your people through your actions that you do trust God and what he has called us to do, or not do. 

Be generous with what we have, most of you are probably thinking about finances when I bring this up. My mind in the area of setting the table spiritually goes to a different place though. I believe if we humble ourselves and are generous with our platform we can allow God to move in ways that we did understand before. I think of a few different scriptures in the idea of humbleness and generosity. 

“12 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT).

“14 But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’” Matthew 19:14 (NLT).

I think back to my own journey and ministry and I can say without any doubt that the only reason I am in the position and have the knowledge I do today is because of faithful committed leaders who Humbled themselves before God and were generous with the platform they had. I was given many opportunities to lead at such a young age.

From serving in the nursery taking care of toddlers when I was in sixth and seventh grade. Starting a Jr High small group as a sophomore in high school. Becoming the chaplain of FCA my senior year. Teaching college group Sunday School my first year of college. Leading Children’s and Youth Ministry as a college drop out. Given the opportunity to preach in “Big Church'' as the Youth Pastor. 

I’ve been given even more opportunities to do things in leadership before I turned thirty, and I truly believe that I have become the man and Pastor I am today because of it. But I look to others my age and see that this experience is not universal, and in many cases other’s journeys have been completely uphill while being held back at every turn. I don’t think it is a coincidence that we see multiple times in scripture young people being mentioned, in fact I think it is there on purpose for us as leaders to utilize the strengths that many young people can bring to the table. But we as leaders must step forth and set it for them. 

When was the last time that your senior pastor gave up the pulpit for someone else? And I am not talking about their vacation Sunday’s when they pull up the backup preacher, or bring in a guest speaker that most of the regular givers enjoy. I know that I might be stepping on some toes here when I say these things, but setting the table spiritually might mean stepping back from the pulpit to allow others, maybe even younger people, speak the truth of Christ into our own lives. 

Rich Villodas says this “I’m a big advocate for preaching teams, because the lead pastor needs to sit under the proclaimed words of God just like everyone else. In addition, the church gets to hear needed perspectives from others in the community. This can also communicate that the local community doesn’t organize all of its life around one person and their gifts.” (Rich Villodas - Public Figure.) In allowing the sharing of the pulpit, the lead pastor helps spur forth the next generation of preachers and leaders. I am bold enough to say that young people are not the future of the church but are the current generation of it, and those who are yet to be born are the future.

So setting the table might not seem like an important thing, it sure didn't to adolescent Trevor. But this seemingly simple task has the ability to create immense intimate, intercultural and intergenerational communities that will continue for generations. A faithful, patient, humble, and generous leader will create a space in which the community will continue to grow and be inspired, even in the ordinary. 

8: Sabbath

 Currently I am sitting on a bench 100 yards away from the Pacific Ocean. Let me set the stage for you, my alarm woke me from my restless sleep at 3:30 am. I had gotten up three times in the night to help calm down my son as I tried to let my wife sleep. Over the next hour or so I gathered my things, packed up my son and my wife and drove to the airport. Rachelle dropped me off curbside in front of Alaskan Airlines, she gave me a quick kiss as her tired face lifted a smile.

Over the next six hours I flew from the desert of the southwest to the rains of the Pacific Northwest. I started less than two hours from Mexico and ended two hours from Canada. I was traveling for a good friend's wedding. I only brought a backpack with a single change of clothes, my phone charger and the Nintendo switch to play the new Marvel game I just purchased the week before.

I only played the game for about an hour before sleep took me on the flight. After landing at my destination I picked up my rental car, funny enough the cheapest option for us was a luxury pickup, the F-150 is a nice ride (Ford, feel free to tweet me). I drove the hour and a half drive from the airport to Cannon Beach where I am sitting on this bench, watching the waves crash onto the sand. I’ve seen so many families and friends walk and enjoy this place as I rest for the first time all day, as I type the wedding party is texting the group chat where to meet up.

I’m picking up this story nearly three and a half years later. I now sit in a dark room with my second son napping to my right in the pack n play. I’ve got a playlist on spotify going and ESPN playing on the TV in front of me. I recall starting this part of the story to bring up how important sabbath is, in fact I thought that I would spend that weekend resting and having a sabbath. 

Initially I sat on that bench relaxing for the first time since I had gotten up, I didn’t have any stress, but I felt a pain in my heart. I should have just bit the bullet and paid the extra cash to get my wife up there with me. We talked back and forth for a few weeks about the trip, financially we were doing okay, but flights to the Oregon coast were not cheap. Our son Carson was nearly five months old and we really hadn’t gotten down the whole traveling with a baby thing yet. 

Hindsight is 20/20 though isn’t it? For just a few months later we would step into the world of COVID-19 and try to navigate that mess, all while removing the idea of travel from our minds. So I sat on that bench looking at the waves, writing the first few paragraphs of this chapter without a care in the world feeling bad I didn’t make more of an effort to get Rachelle and Carson up with me.  

I put my phone in my pocket after the party texted me which building to meet at, and then we started the celebration. It was so wonderful to celebrate the Heniz family, a good friend and his wife together with their closest family and friends having a dream ceremony on the beach! We then took the football field walk to the reception area where the party continued with good food and drinks. I remember the sun setting in that late summer evening and feeling absolutely beat, only to realize I had to drive up the coast to Seaside to find my bed. 

The night didn’t end there, I walked into the grungy hotel and greeted the front desk.

Front desk “How can I help you tonight?” 

Trevor “I am here for my room” 

I pulled up my reservation on my phone that I had made through a third party service with my plane tickets and car rental. 

FD “Okay.. What is your name again?”

T “Trevor. Trevor Cherryholmes, do you need to see my ID?”

FD “Give me a second.”

At this point it was nearly 10:45 pm, I had been up since 3:30 am and had traveled almost 1500 miles. I was beat, I just wanted to lay down. 

FD “So were booked right now, and we don’t have your reservation” 

T “Okay, so what do you mean? I have a reservation I paid for right here, I will even show you my bank statement” 

FD “Yeah… We’ve been having issues with the third party service apps and websites. We typically tell people to just call us and verify we have room.” 

T “So who got my money? Haven’t I paid you for a room?”

At this point I think my frustration was starting to come out on more than just my face. If the person who was working the front desk that evening is reading this, I am sorry if I treated you poorly, please forgive me. 

FD “Let me go get my manager so we can figure this out.”

Thankfully she hadn’t left for the day yet. 

Manager “Hi sir, it looks like we’ve run into an issue with your reservation. If you would give us a few minutes I can hopefully get you taken care of this evening.” 

After a few minutes they handed me my key and pointed me in the direction of my room for the night. I walked down the hall, past the indoor pool where a young family was playing loudly and turned up the stairs. They weren't lying either, every room seemed to be occupied as I walked my way to where I was staying, I waved my keyfob over the sensor and made my way into the room. 

It smelled a little bit, I can’t really pinpoint or describe the smell, other than a little murky. I didn't even care, I tossed my backpack onto the first bed and walked past the second directly to the A/C unit in the window. It didn’t occur to me at first, but this style of room was definitely not what I had paid for initially. I set the A/C down to 65, as low as it would go and went to freshen up. Thirty minutes went by and as I stepped out of the bathroom where the tub wouldn’t drain properly I noticed the room hadn’t gotten any cooler, if anything the humidity from the shower made it warmer.

I messed with the unit for a few minutes before I just decided to give up on it, open the window and lay down hoping the cool evening breeze that summer night would do the trick. A few minutes later I was out and before I knew it my alarm was already going off. 6:00am came quickly, I was beginning to regret making this trip so short, and I was missing my wife and son even more. 

I changed into some fresh clothes, packed my backpack up and headed out the door. I made sure to stop back at the front desk where I saw the same person from the night before. Said a quick thank you, grabbed a bruised banana and made my way back to the F150 that might have been a nicer and cooler sleep than the one I just had. Thankfully a small coffee shop called Brew 22 was just a few blocks up from that hotel and I made that last stop before heading back to the airport. 

Mocha in hand, a new episode of Critical Role, and off we were. I spent that drive thinking about what I had to do when I got home, all of the tasks I still had at work, the things that needed to be done at my house. I couldn’t stop my mind and body from moving, I had totally missed what I was planning on starting this weekend. I had yet to experience any true moment of sabbath. 

One of the things that came to me in 2020 when the world was shutting down was that I truly sucked at sabbath. I had gone into that wedding weekend with the expectation of being away, getting rest, having sabbath. Instead, I had planned a huge travel weekend in under 36 hours, I had traveled over 3000 miles round trip. To top it off, after I returned home Saturday afternoon I had to turn my ‘work brain’ back on and prepare myself for a busy Sunday morning at church.

I kept that pace going, we finished 2019 strong, yet in pain, and continued to do everything that we had done the years prior. Until March 2020, when so many of us watched the world shutdown from the comfort of our homes. Two weeks, that’s all it will be right? Boy were we optimistic and ignorant of what was to come. Now I am not going to comment to worry about hashing out how we as a nation and globe worked through 2020, but it is something to look at. 

Think back to March of 2020, sure a lot of us experienced this irie fear of the unknown and deadly virus spreading like something you would see out of a zombie movie. But in those few weeks for some, even months for others, how much rest did we find? I don’t want to downplay the anxiety that so many people, including myself and my wife faced, she was still going to work throughout the entire pandemic. But, also during that time we all were forced to slow down, to stop the daily grind that so many of us had fallen victim to. Almost as if 2020 gave us an opportunity to take true sabbath, an opportunity that I truly took on. 

I remember those days well. Having endless zoom meetings instead of working in the office, streaming countless shows with my son Carson, playing far too much StarCraft II, starting a DnD campaign with my great friends from the wedding that past fall. I slowed down and found myself breathing above water for the first time in a few years. All of the events that we would typically do that year were gone, all of the late nights spent at church after everyone else had gone were finished. The bills were still paid, groceries were still in the fridge, life outside of the looming pandemic was relatively good. I know how blessed and privileged I am to say that, and I do not take what others went through that year lightly. 

I wonder how many people would say that 2020 was the first sabbath they had, stopping all the chaos of their life if only for a moment? I know that many years in my life I have practiced and achieved good sabbath rest, but I have also fallen victim to the race that life has placed us in. 2020 gave me some new perspective, and maybe it was because I had a new son who spent his first birthday in a pandemic celebrating with only my parents and sister. Maybe it was watching so many friends lose loved ones and even losing a few friends myself. 

Whatever it was, I know that my mind had been forever altered because of that year, and in that I believe I have found a better understanding of why sabbath is not just a good thing to have, but something that is absolutely necessary for a healthy life. I get it, you might be questioning me why I have this in a story about community? 

We should understand something about sabbath

Sabbath : A day of religious observance and abstinence from work, kept by Jewish people from Friday evening to Saturday evening, and by most Christians on Sunday.

So often I think our minds, especially those that spent time in a religious context, see the sabbath as either laying in bed all day doing nothing, or spending it all day at church. Two things to note, both of those things can be sabbath, they both can provide rest to the heart, mind, and soul. 

It is not the only way to experience sabbath rest though, I like to tell the story of my mentor Jimmy. Jimmy really pushed me to take a sabbath day when I worked alongside him for a few years. He chose Wednesdays and I chose Fridays, neither of us would be in the office those days and we refused to answer our phone or email unless it was a real emergency that needed our attention. 

Jimmy’s sabbath would include yard work, reading, time with his wife, and I am sure other things. What always got me was the yard work, how in the world could that be restful? It’s hard to fathom that until you visit his home, Jimmy’s backyard was immaculate, a true oasis in the desert. He spent time doing “yard work” to perfect his calm and happy place, it truly was beautiful. 

How I found rest was totally the opposite. I spent many of my Friday’s off at the ice rink, getting an iced mocha, writing a sci-fi book, playing my games for endless hours, or hitting the gym trying for that next PR. My idea of rest looked so different, but it didn’t mean that it was wrong, I was away from my work not letting the stress of the next thing occupy my mind. In doing these things I am able to be better, I am able to respond to the needs of my job, my family, my community without becoming overwhelmed or feeling the extreme pressure of life that so many of us live by. 

Something that Jimmy helped me get better at during our sabbaths was connecting and listening to God. Taking time during that day to really stop and listen, no more preparing sermons, answering emails, or figuring out the next ministry steps. Instead pausing in that day to experience the presence of God, “To be in the Face of Jesus” as my good friend Dave would put it. 

I’ve heard the arguments, “I don’t have time. You don’t understand. It’s too difficult for me.” I get it, I’ve been there. So I challenge you, do you have a sabbath day of rest? If yes, great, continue that and help others see why it is important. If not, why? What steps do you need to take to get there? 

I think back to Trevor in 2019 as he sat down on that bench by the ocean, ready to take on that weekend and find “rest” only to be burnt out by the next Tuesday. I’ve grown up a lot since then, and I am sure I will look back at these words in 10 or 20 years and see how much more I have grown. Don’t be like me and lie to yourself about your rest, you will thank me later and so will the community that you are active and a part of. Take your sabbath seriously and find a day during the week that you can do what brings you joy, spend the time with those you love dearly, and find real rest for your heart, mind, body, and soul.