Community can be defined as a unified body of individuals, Merriam-Webster goes on to say these things about community, “A people with common interests living in a particular area; a group of people with a common characteristic or interest; a body of persons of common and especially professional interests; a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests; a group linked by a common policy; an interacting population of various kinds of individuals; joint ownership or participation; common character.”
Most people understand the basics of community and most people on this planet are a part of a small community already, whether it be at work, church, or a part of a social club like a men's hockey league. The vast majority of people already have community, or at least they believe they do. In my current understanding of the human condition I believe that humanity has gone away for the most part, from a good wholesome community.
Now I am not trying to say that community can only be found within a church or religious group, I actually found a community in a totally secular group of people. What I am trying to communicate with you, is that we have fallen away from real connection, from real community that will be there for you when you are at your darkest and lowest part, not just the community that will celebrate your wedding or birth of your child.
It was mid 2016, I was single and living on my own for the first time and I was loving it. Well, I was loving it up until I realized the complete responsibilities that awaited me every day as an adult. By no means do I now have this all figured out, I rely on my wife quite a bit today! But, just a few years ago I started to see how hard life could really be, and at this point of my life my community was small.
Now in mid 2016 I was the youth pastor at my church and had a great body of people who said they cared about me and wanted the best for me, I believe wholeheartedly that they did and still do, but my community was small and even though I had people at my church who did care, my ability to reach out to those people was small. I didn’t trust everyone of them fully yet, I only knew the outside layer of their lives, the parts that they wanted to show me, and a part of that was the words “I’m here for you”.
I had moved into an apartment by myself in March of that year, I didn’t know at the time when I moved in how expensive rent could really be. After searching for a place to live for six months prior I settled on a place in Mesa where the rent was just over $800 for a single bedroom, it was right off the freeway and only a fifteen minute drive to work. I felt safe enough, even though I didn’t know the area well.
Before I even settled on a place to live in Phoenix I found a hockey rink to play at, I know. my priorities were probably not in the right order during this time, but I found a place that was close to the rink and close to work. I spend two nights a week going to play hockey, first just at a beginners class that costs $20 a session, and later at a league that costs $300 a season. Hockey was important to me and it was a great way to exercise and find stress relief. I still play to this day, but I have found a better rhythm that doesn't break the bank.
So between my new $800 a month apartment, $120 a month hockey addiction, and all of the other bills that I now had to pay for my monthly income sat around -$50 a month, yes you read that right negative 50. I had never really built a budget or held true to one, so I wasn’t concerned about my finances, money came in every second week and out every day.
So in mid 2016 I had paid all of my bills and looked at my account.
Checking: $47.26
Savings: $100.00
My heart dropped, how could I let this happen? How could I not have any money left in the bank? It had to be the rent, it had to be my bills, it had to be my student loans… It was hockey. Yeah, I know, I was not the smartest twenty-four year old.
I walked over to my kitchen and opened up my cupboards. I had a half a bag of rice, a can of old tuna and a jar of peanut butter. I pulled up my phone and looked at the calendar, when was my next payday?
Two weeks.
Two weeks?! How was I going to survive on rice, peanut butter and an old can of tuna? The good thing was I’m a big guy, and so my body could probably make it on my “extra supply” for two weeks!
I began to think about any meetings I was planning to have and if I could make them lunch meetings. I knew I couldn’t do that everyday so I pulled up my phone and thought about calling my boss, his number sat on my screen for a few minutes before I finally just turned off my phone. I was ashamed, I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to admit to anyone that I had put myself into this spot. I decided to take a walk, well actually a skate.
I laced up my rollerblades and started around the neighborhood, it was around 11:00 pm that night. Pokemon Go was all the rage, so as I played some Coldplay, I skated around the neighborhood trying to catch Pokemon. I ended up getting back to my place around 12:30 am and went right to bed.
The next morning I woke and was starving. I had two spoonfuls of my last jar of peanut butter and headed out the door, no starbucks today, at least the office had a keurig machine! I headed into work and got my cup of Costco brand coffee, someone had brought in doughnuts for the day, so there was my breakfast! I worked through my lunch that day, no one noticed because it was common that I would do that.
The end of the day came and I headed home, the whole fifteen minute drive, I thought about how I could make white rice taste different, what seasonings could I toss on it to make it feel bigger than it was. I pulled into my complex and walked into my small dirty apartment, not having to really worry about dinner. I noticed how I had let the place go.
That's when my phone rang.
Mike: Hey Bud, whatcha doing tonight?
Me: Ahhh, nothing, probably just watching some netflix and going to bed early.
Mike: Want to grab a bite with Patti and I?
Me: (Stunned)
Mike: We could meet somewhere out by you? What sounds good?
Me: Ummm, anything! What do you guys wanna do?
Mike: How about Native Wings? Patti wants to try that place.
Me: Sounds great! See you at 6?
Mike: Catch you there!
What in the world? Why did Mike and Patti want to take me out to dinner on a Monday night? I wasn’t quite sure, but I wasn’t turning it down.
This wasn’t the first time that Mike and Patti had taken me out for a meal. The first people outside of the church staff who introduced themselves to me were Mike and Patti, they talked about how they had worked with the youth in the past and how excited they were to see me at Tempe, they wanted to make sure I felt at home and that I had a place. They actually cared about me and what I was going through, not just that I fit the bill of what they were looking for in a pastor.
I cleaned up my apartment before I headed out the door, I had an hour or so in between when Mike called and when I had to leave. You would be surprised how well a single 24 year old man could clean! I drove out to the Native Wings where we decided to meet and met Mike and Patti at the door, they were early as usual. They greeted me with a smile and a hug, such a warm welcome after a stressful day of trying to figure out how to make plain rice interesting.
We ordered our food and enjoyed conversation, we talked about what was new in our lives and how we were excited for what was to come in 2016, Mike and Patti genuinely cared about me, they asked good questions really diving into who I was and what my goals and plans were for the year.
That's when they told me the real reason for taking me to dinner. Mike said to me that the real reason they wanted to take me out to dinner was to get me out so they could buy me groceries. I was stunned, how did they know? I don’t remember telling them that I was broke or in need of food.
Mike said that they knew how tough it could be to move into a new city with no friends, and how starting the adult journey could be difficult. They wanted to be there for me, to make sure that I was going to be alright and didn't need to stress out about anything like where my next meal was coming from.
Not going to lie to you guys, I totally broke down crying in the middle of a Native WIngs, when they asked me what was wrong I told them where I really was, $147.26, a bag of rice, jar of peanut butter, and an old can of tuna to my name. Their generosity could not have come at a better time. We laughed together and left the native and headed to the local grocery store.
The next two weeks I had plenty of food, and made much better money choices as well. Every time I came across Mike he would ask “How are you doing? Do you need anything?”. Mike and Patti really cared, they really did want to see me find success in my life and knew that I could not do it alone.
This is one of the stories that I have in my life where community made the difference. Again, I would not be where I am today without a good community around me, a community that cared and actually asked the hard questions. Sometimes they didn't ask at all, sometimes they just did because they loved me.
The reality is, for me in 2016 I had a large community of people who cared for me at my church, but there was really only a small group of those people who wanted to do something. And I don’t say that to dig on my church, because I love my people there and I do believe If I were to ask any of them almost everyone would have given. But, community should be more than that, community shouldn’t wait to be spurred into action but should always be moving.
Our lives need to be shared in community, and not just a large common group of people who give “the headnod” as we walk into the door, but people who actually care about who you are. People who want to sit down and invest their time into your life and do something to make it better. Community is important to invest into, because we cannot expect people to constantly be pouring themselves into us, we must also be willing to give all that we have back into the community.
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